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  • Well I got off work early today - a surprise bonus/blessing for me that came out of trying to do something nice/helpful for my boss.  How grateful am I?  VERY. 

    Things are settling into a routine quickly now that I am not traveling for the next couple of months.  I really thought that not traveling would help my life to slow down a bit, but so far that has not proved to be the case.  And I am okay with that for right now - I really am - because I made some decisions to fill it up with good stuff.  As of right now I am actually in a church four nights a week...which means that I have three nights of the week to do other things (errands, seeing friends, spending time with the family I live with here, etc).  It is busy but good.

    Here is a brief run down of what my life looks like right now.  Monday-Friday I work 7:30-5:30.  I am currently attempting to work more exercise into my schedule which means the only time I really have to do it is in the mornings before work.  Fortunately for me, my office is in a building right next door to the Walton Fitness Center, so I don't have far to go from gym to work.  Fortunate also that there are two cool classes that I am wanting to be involved in Monday-Thursday (Monday and Wednesday is PiYo, a combination of Pilates and Yoga, and Tuesday and Thursday is the Tone and Tighten class).  Unfortunately the classes start at 5:10am and 5:30am. IN.THE.MORNING. Yikes.  I made it to the PiYo class this week, but couldn't drag my hiney out of bed for the Tone and Tighten class just yet.  I'll have to work my way into that. happy

    Monday, Wednesday and Thursday evenings are my 'free' evenings.  Saturday evenings are church (I found a church and I love it - YAY!), and Sunday evenings find me in my Dave Ramsey Financial Peace class.  Friday nights I have started attending Celebrate Recovery at my church...which is basically a biblically based 12 step recovery program.  God has been dealing with some things in my life that I have been ignoring for a long time - no scratch that - make that have never dealt with seriously- until about a month and a half ago.  Ever heard that phrase 'You can't outrun the pain forever'? I couldn't anymore.  So God in His mercy brought the right people into my life at that breaking point to get me to CR.  It has been so good.  The process has not been without its struggles, but I am convinced that in the end it will be worth it.  The service and open share groups are on Friday nights, and then Tuesday nights I attend the year long accompanying bible/step study.  It is hard core, but already God has been moving and I am so so so grateful.

    I'm pretty much spending my free time working on assignments for Financial Peace or my step study - catching up with friends here in NWA (how grateful am I to have so many great friends!?) and hanging with the family that I live with.

    It sounds crazy busy, and it is busy - but SO.GOOD.  I am so grateful to the Lord for bringing me here to NWA for this time in my life.  It is exactly where I need to be for some of this healing to come in my heart and life.  I miss my family, but I am pretty sure that this heart surgery wouldn't be done back in St Louis.  So while the homesickness (especially for my sisters and mom) can get bad sometime, I am embracing this portion of my life and excited to see what happens next.  It's been a long time since I have felt this hopeful.  I'll take it :)

  • I really should be sleeping...

    But instead of sleeping I will just hop on here for a moment to let all of my F3 girls know how much I LOVE seeing some of you posting again.  I have missed you. 

    I realize that I have been MIA from the blogging scene myself - and really - I am trying to figure out how to get it done...just not enough hours in my day or days in the week.  Bear with me while I try to figure it out. (lame, I know - there isn't a single one of us that isn't crazy busy)

    It is so weird to be approaching the holidays so quickly and yet not really be feeling the rush of it all because I am not working in a store anymore.  I had to run into Walmart last week for something and while walking through the Christmas area I actually found myself a little sad to not be playing in all the fun Christmas stuff this year.  The Christmas ornament modular has always been my favorite modular to set...and this is the first year from the past NINE that I have missed out on that whole project.

    Life is so different than it was a year ago.  Wow.

    My eyes are getting heavy - must.go.to.sleep.

    Mwah!

     

  • The long and short of things...

    I could try and catch everyone up on the last six months or so, but honestly the thought of trying exhausts me.  So I won't.  happy

    I have been in Northwest Arkansas now for six months - hard to believe that so much time has already passed...some days it feels like longer and some days it feels like I just moved. 

    I think for the most part I have settled in...work is finally starting to make sense and I am catching up to the rest of my team.  Most days I really like my job.  I get to travel (two weeks out of the month) and see lots of the country.  I get to dictate my own schedule to a degree that most do not.  I get to learn new things every day.  Super cool.  Plus I really like the people on my team.  They make me laugh and we have a great time together.  I didn't anticipate the time on the road being so lonely, but that is really the only drawback and nothing that I can't handle for the 18 months that I am committed to this particular job! (I hear Aundrea in my head saying 'You can do anything for a year Havah' winky).

    I have yet to find a church that I want to settle in.  I think it is a combination of a couple factors - first of all, I haven't attended church regularly for several years because of my work schedule and I am out of the habit. (If that makes any sense - probably will to some of you and not at all to others) Secondly I don't feel like I fit anywhere.  I don't have a convenient 'label' if you will...other than the dreaded 'single' (which in my opinion is a synonym for pathetic and fresh-meat in most churches).  It is weird to go to a church by yourself.  I think for the first time I really get how incredibly intimidating church is for people who haven't been (ever/in a long time/in a new place).  Church has always been such a social thing for me and I miss that sense of community, but dread the work that is inevitable to find and establish a place for myself anywhere.  Lastly, I come a bit more skeptical and leery than I have ever been...that old phrase 'once bitten, twice shy' certainly applies.

    All of those factors aside, I know that I need to find a place to plug in.  I need the encouragement.  I need people around me who (while not perfect) remind me what is true and good and right.  I need people to hold me accountable.  I need people to do life with.  And that is why I keep getting up on Sunday morning and playing the Russian roulette of 'where to go to church'.

    It must be said at this point - that I am not lacking in dear friends who have invited/taken me with them to their churches.  And there are several that I have really liked.  ((sigh))  I am grateful to these friends for their love and interest in helping me find a 'home'...I just don't know where that is supposed to be.

    Haha - I just analyzed my whole church situation without meaning to...and you all got to come along for the ride.  Thanks for taking that side road with me...

    Back to other news.  I am happy to report that while I miss my family terribly I am not really homesick.  I have gotten to see them WAY more than I thought I would (at least once a month since I left!) and am so grateful for that.

    My friends that I am living with are amazing.  I couldn't ask for a better place to be.  Such a HUGE blessing.  The weekend that I moved in they were actually out of town, but the kids had made 'welcome home' signs and hung them all over my room, and Amber had left little gifts and a beautiful vase of flowers for me.  My mom walked in and saw all of that and burst into tears...I was a little confused until she could articulate how grateful to God she was for providing such an amazing family/place for me to live.  So good.

    Gotta get off of here.  Talk to you all soon (hopefully)!

  • So if I came back to Xanga land - would you all read and comment again?

    I can't promise anything, but I miss this community...and I tried on blogspot - I just (sigh)  I don't know.  I want it to be four years ago.

    Haha - suck it up Havah.  No one wants to read that crap.  Enough with the melodrama.

    Seriously though.  I am going to bed now - but I really need to start recording life again. SOON.

  • A new year and a new attempt at blogging.

    Here is the new blog site in case you are interested:

    http://lifeonthecusp.blogspot.com

    It's been fun...here is to new things!

  • A night at the (City) Museum...

    So the next couple of weeks are going to be busy, and I told myself that I just needed to get on here and get some pictures and stories posted already because there will be SERIOUS backlog if I don't!  How great is it that there are so many fun things going on right now that I even have to think about Xanga backlog? 

    I mentioned in my last post about last Friday night - it bears some explaining and there are some fun pictures to go along with it...If you have been keeping up here in Xanga-land you know that I have been living with the most incredible woman for the last year.  God brought Tina into my life last year when I was trying to figure out where I was going to live for my last year of school after Jeff and Wendy moved.  It was a pretty tough time, my dear friend was moving, and quite honestly I didn't really want to live with anyone else....

    Fortunately for me, God knew better and through an amazing sequence of events introduced me to Tina.  She opened her beautiful home to me and it has been so good being here with her.  I look back and see God all over both of our lives in the orchestration of us being in the same place at the same time.  It is cool, and I am more grateful than I can say.

    So I moved in last August - fast forward to December and Tina's daughter Andrea came home from school for a semester...I was a little nervous at first (Would she be okay with me being here?  Would it be awkward for either of us?  Etc...), but all of those fears proved to be totally unfounded.  Andrea is one of the coolest girls I know and it has been so much fun to have her here to hang out with.  I have enjoyed this last seven months with her SO.MUCH.

    Anyway - Andrea turned 21 on Monday, and a few weeks ago Tina decided to do a surprise party for her - the plan was for me to take her to an undisclosed location on Friday night where Tina would be waiting with the rest of the people invited to the party.  The plan was to go to the Chocolate Bar first and after that, to move to the St Louis City Museum.

    The plan went off without a hitch.  I have talked about the Chocolate Bar before (the inside of the place smells like what I imagine Hershey, Pennsylvania smells like - YUM).  GREAT place for a birthday celebration.  Andrea was totally surprised.  We walked in and it took a second to register that all of those people were there to celebrate her and her birthday.  Teehee.  It was great.  Tina had gotten a polaroid camera and lots of film for it to document the fun of the night...it was hysterical...apparently the people at Polaroid have quite the sense of humor because they now make the instant cameras shaped like HUGE versions of older style point and click cameras.  Here is a picture of Andrea with it...

    So funny - the picture doesn't do it justice - it really is pretty much as big as her head.

    After eating yummy desserts at the Chocolate Bar, we headed off for the City Museum.   They just opened the rooftop up with a ferris wheel and lots of other things to do.  It cost extra to get to the top, but was totally worth it.  Unfortunately it was 11 stories up, and the elevator was not operating which meant a climb up the stairs.  I had NO IDEA what 11 flights of stairs was going to feel like by the end.  Before we started I was totally thinking 'Oh 11 flights isn't bad at all!'...but by the sixth floor I was seriously wondering if I was going to make it all the way up.  By the 8th floor everyone in our group was ahead of me.  By the 10th floor I wanted to cry over how obviously out of shape I have gotten, and by the time I got to the top I thought I may just pass out.  Not my finest hour, but seriously motivating to get back into shape.

    The view of the city from the rooftop was incredible - especially at night.  I tried to get pictures, but they turned out crappy...I did however get a shot of the ferris wheel.

    I have never considered myself afraid of heights - but I will admit that being on top of the roof, on the very top of the ferris wheel, with very little between me and the ground 11 stories below made my belly hurt a little bit.  Still an experience worth having, but scarier than I originally thought it would be.

    Andrea's sister Michelle and her husband on the Kyle on the ferris wheel.

    I tried to get a picture of Andrea and her boyfriend Erik on the ferris wheel as well, but alas, no such luck.  So here is a cute picture of them together instead.  They are a ridiculously good looking couple!

    Other favorite pictures from the night - Tina, Andrea and I.

    Tina and Michelle being gangster.  Funny.

    Tina and I on the rooftop (you can see a bit of the city lights behind us).

    Michelle and Andrea - awwww - what would we do without sisters?  They are the best!

    This praying mantis was at the very tippity top of the roof on a platform that had a slide swooping down to the rest of the rooftop - Kyle thought (and rightly so!) that it would be funny to strike the same post as the praying mantis.  I have to say, it is a scary good likeness!

    After we were done playing on the rooftop, we had the option of climbing back down the stairs or taking the TEN STORY SLIDE to the bottom.  Yep - you read that right.  Think about the spiral slides found at most playgrounds, and multiply that times about 20, and that is what this slide is like.  All closed in and dark and FAST.  It was so FUN.  Here is a shot of me acting all scared by the sign...(I wasn't really scared of the slide - the picture is more for dramatic effect.  Did it work? 

    Anyway.  If you ever come visit me in St Louis, or have the opportunity to come through, the City Museum is definitely a stop that you want to make.  It will put you on sensory overload, but it is so cool - like a museum/art show/adult playground all rolled into one.  There isn't anywhere you can't go in the place and nothing you can't touch.  Everywhere you go there are tunnels to climb through and things to play on and touch and look at.  I can't even do it justice with a description.  It is one of those things that must be experienced.  I am a big fan, can you tell? 

    Here are a couple more shots - this one is of Andrea's friend (and Erik's sister) Anika and Andrea in the mirror tunnel - very cool picture!

    And here is a fun shot of most of our group.  Please forgive the picture quality - it was almost 1am at this point and things were getting fuzzy! 

    What a blast. 

    This turned out a lot longer than I expected for it to be...if you are still reading - YAY!    My entries are not in vain...

    I will try for the update on the Fourth of July extravaganza later today or tomorrow...

  • What a fantastic couple of days...

    There is so much to recap that I am not able to do it right now - so here is the shortened version.

    Friday I worked and then helped with a surprise birthday party for Andrea (Tina's daughter and my new friend - she and I have spent many nights chilling out after long days in front of the tv - I love having her around!) at the Chocolate Bar followed by the City Museum.

    Saturday the 4th I had taken the day off work, and spent the morning piddling around working on projects and cleaning/organizing that I have been doing in my room for the last couple of weeks.  Late afternoon my friend Flo came over and we left for my brother Caleb's house for a BBQ and his own fireworks show.  SO.MANY details and some pictures to share - hopefully that will be forthcoming.

    I worked on Sunday - rough night at work I am getting super restless being at the store.  Trying to maintain an attitude of gratefulness that I have a job in the midst of being SO.DONE. with being there.  Hah - some days I do better than others.  Some days I don't do well at all and am just plain crabby.  I don't like that.  More musing about that at a later date as well perhaps.

    Today has been a beautiful day off.  Tina left this morning for two weeks with the military...I just about cried saying goodbye.  I cannot think about the day that I have to move out - ugh.  I get so attached to people so fast.  It would be so much easier to not - but I imagine that I would miss out on quite a lot if I didn't...

    I digress.  So Tina left this morning and I left not long after - the afternoon was spent at my sisters house watching the last couple of weeks of SYTYCD (thank heavens for tivo!) since I have had to work and have missed it...then the kids woke up from nap time, and we played outside for quite a while.  I love those kids.  There really are no words for how much.

    I left Hannah's house after dinner (yum), and came to spend the rest of the evening with my family.  Such sweet times with them lately.  I have been making a conscious effort to delight in every moment with my family.  The knowledge that I am leaving them in the near future has helped me to take full advantage of the time that I have with them.  And it has been so good.  As I write this it is in the wee hours of the morning - the DVD of Stargate: Atlantis (season 5) that my siblings put in - only to all fall asleep strewn about the living room.  Sam, Jannah and Jordan sound asleep on the floor, and Jesse on the sofa across the way.  Two of them are snoring...   It's a slumber party, and I love it.

    I am one blessed girl.

    Stay tuned - I will try to upload photos soon.

  • Welp.  I WAS doing good at updating!  I have to tell you - it is hard to get back into the habit of blogging regularly - I love it, but at the same time find it really difficult to begin thinking in blog-ese again.  You know - that sweet spot when you carry your camera around all the time in hopes to capture pieces of your day to capture and blog about - when you (or maybe its just me?) have a running dialogue in your head about how you are going to phrase the event or thing that just happened....when the blogging flows out of you like water and - well, you get what I am talking about.  Or maybe you don't and it is just me. 

    Regardless, I am not there again - YET.  No giving up here.  I am convinced that even if no one else reads this, I will appreciate the fact that I did it later in my life and I also hope that the more that I write, the better I will get at expressing the things that I want to say.  I have always wanted to write well.  I have always done well in school, but the writing that I have always done seems flat somehow.  My hope is that perhaps if I continue to dabble in writing, even if just in blog form, that perhaps I will learn to say things the way that I love to read them from other people.  Which sounds funny I realize, but I would love to be able to translate the FUNNY stuff that occurs on a daily basis in life and have it come across as funny.  Same thing for learning to express my heart - it feels that so often I dance around saying what is inside, and never can quite figure out how to express what is really there - the CORE of things, you know?

    See how wordy I am?  Sheesh.  If I could just pare that down and still communicate - I would be golden.

    Anyway - I do have more to say (haha - imagine that), but the 'to-do' list is long today and I have to be at work at 2 this afternoon.  More later.

  • Laugh out loud, spit your soda out your nose funny stuff here!

    I hope this translates as well in print as it does in person, because THIS. IS. FUNNY.

    So last week (after being contacted by MANY of my moms friends from 'back in the day' to try and get in touch with her through me) I finally got my mom set up with a Facebook account.  Seriously, I don't mind that any of her friends have contacted her through me - its actually been kind of fun, but why not take out the middle (wo) man? 

    It turned out to be a pretty involved process.  Facebook has changed quite a bit since I first signed on, and things are not the same as they used to be to get things set up.  So first I have to get her signed up for a new e-mail account, then get her signed up for Facebook....only to be told when she tried to log into Facebook and start learning her way around that she needed some kind of access code to confirm her account.

    Now I am quite certain that there are other ways to obtain said access code, but for the life of me I could not find a way other than having it texted to a cell phone.  Which presented a problem due to the fact that my mom's cell doesn't receive text messages at all.

    At this point I am a tiny bit frustrated and am just about done with the whole thing...so I decide to just put in my cell number so that they could text her access code to me and be done with it already.

    What I DIDN'T realize is that when I did that, it would automatically switch all of my texting options for Facebook (getting updates, mobile status updates and the like) to my MOMS ACCOUNT.

    So fast forward to this morning.  I am working in the living room, and have the TV on in the background because MTV was running all Michael Jackson videos and clips and I was loving the music. 

    So I decide that since I don't have my computer with me, that I will just update my Facebook status with my cell phone, and this is what I texted...

    HAVAH (or in this case my moms name)...

    ...is feeling a LOT more nostalgic about Michael Jackson than yesterday, as I have MTV's marathon of his videos playing in the background and I relive most of my teen years through the music...


    Now keep in mind that I haven't talked to my mom in a couple of days, and have NO IDEA that my status update texts are now showing up on her page and with her name.

    So a couple of hours later I hop on Facebook and am paging through my friends updates and see this status update from my mom...

    (Havah's Moms name here)...  (with added emphasis from me)

    Yeah. I don't have any idea how that bit about Michael Jackson got on my page- I wouldn't be surprised if one of my darling children put it there. It certainly wasn't me. I don't own anything by M.J., nor do I listen to anything by him, unless its by accident, in passing. Didn't he do a song called Beat Me, or something? Nothing against him, and I'm sorry for his family's loss.

    BAHAHAHAHAHA.

    'Beat me'?!?!?.  Ummmm - mom, that's actually 'Beat it'.

    She makes me laugh, and this shall be one that she hears about for a LONG.TIME.

    (For those of you wondering, I did in fact go to her Facebook page and apologize for the mix-up.  But only after I laughed at the 'Beat me' comment ) 

  • Today was the beginning of my six-day-in-a-row stint at work.  I may not be blogging a whole lot this week due to the fact that work seems to suck me dry by the end.  You would think after working in customer service jobs most of my adult life, that I would get used to it.  Not so. 

    Tonight it seems that the heat was not bringing out the best in people.  They were crabby.  VERY crabby.  Crying babies and small children ALL NIGHT LONG.  Crabby parents and customers in general.  Teenagers with nothing better to do than run around and act like idiots in Wal-Mart because they have nothing to do....who then, when told they need to leave the store because other customers are complaining about them decide that the proper way to respond is to hurl epithets on the way out the door.  At me.

    Really?  Seriously?  What is wrong with people?  Take your babies HOME - it is past their bedtimes.  Don't take your hot-crabbyness out on me and the people that I work with.  Not cool.  And really teenagers?  Wal-Mart really isn't that cool of a place to hang out.  Actually, it is pathetic that you can't think of anything better to do.

    Whew.  I feel better just getting it out of my system.  Thank you for listening. 

    Maybe tomorrow I will be able to provide something more uplifting.