It is no longer Fathers Day, but I didn't really to let the day pass without honoring my dad - didn't want to miss the chance to try and verbalize some of what my dad means to me.  I love Father's day for the opportunity to tell our (often untold) Dad's that we are grateful for them.  I worked yesterday, and afterwards made the 45 minute drive to see my dad (and the rest of my family) . 

(Dad and I)

On the drive to my parents house I was thinking about my dad - thinking about the things that I wanted to write in his card and say to express how much I love him.  It seems that even with 33 years of trying, I haven't been able to say everything that needs to be said.  Yesterday I prayed for more time with him - as much as needed to really and truly tell him how much I love him - how vital he has been in helping me to become who I am, and how grateful I am.

(Dad with my brothers Joe, Caleb and Abe)

What I realized yesterday on that drive home was good.  I was thinking about all of the things that my dad has done so well - how thankful I was for my daddy and how much he loves me...in general feeling very nostalgic and grateful and sappy.  As always realistic to the core though , I was also thought about how imperfect my dad is too, and that he still has the power to frustrate me worse than just about anyone.  None of these thoughts were new....I was just following the train of thought and letting them run....

(Dad and Jannah at my brother Joe's wedding last November)

What followed on the heels of those thoughts however was entirely new and something that I had never thanked my Dad for.

(Dad and Ben with baby Judah in the hospital - three generations of Kinne men)

I was reminded on my drive yesterday of my first few months with YWAM in the Discipleship Training Program, and how Doug Easterday had spent a week talking about the 'Father Heart of God'.  I remembered how so many of my classmates struggled with the idea of God as a Father because of their relationships with their fathers on earth. 

(Me and my parents at my brother Joe's wedding reception last November)

There were definitely things that I wrestled with that week with Doug as well - but as I remembered yesterday, I didn't have as hard a time with the idea of God as my Father because my own dad had not put any roadblocks in my way.  Because my dad always loved me, it was easier to acknowledge that God loved me.  Because my dad was always willing to forgive me, it was easier to accept that God could forgive me too.  Because grace, mercy, patience and a plethora of other things were modeled for me, I could see understand that my heavenly Father had them as well.

(Dad and Mom with Sam at his highschool graduation last May)

Is my dad perfect?  Nope.  Are there things he could have done better?  I am sure - what parent doesn't make mistakes?  For this Father's day though, I am thanking and honoring my dad for the godly example that he has set for me - It's made all the difference.  For me and our whole family.

(The latest family picture that we have of all of us together - March 2007 - it desperately needs to be updated since we have added two/almost three grandbabies and a new sister in love!)

And just for fun, and because I have more pictures of my dad that I want to share - here are some sweet ones with the grandkids (did I mention what a great Grandpa he is?) and some ones of him just being silly...

Dad and my niece Bethany laying in the grass and talking watching planes fly overhead.

Dad and my niece Tabitha dancing at Joe's wedding

Dad and Tabitha talking about something while working on a project at the kitchen counter

Dad and my niece Addison on last years Christmas tree hunting and gathering expedition

Dad and Mom admiring our newest addition, Judah

Haha - this one makes me laugh - Dad was messing around with one of Jannah's headbands and is (for this picture) mixing two Star Trek references - one to Jordi Laforge from the Next Generation series, and Spock from the original series.  If you are not a Star Trek fan, this won't be funny to you at all - but to us it was hysterical...

(Dad and Jannah)

Happy Father's Day, Daddy!  I love you!

For those of you that didn't see my pictures on Facebook, you may not know about the newest addition to our family - Judah Benjamin Kinne.  Judah is Ben and Brittney's newest addition and Ben is super glad to not be so out-numbered by the girls.    He is a precious, precious boy and we love having him as a part of the family.  Everyone from Pawpaw (my dad) to Hadassah (the youngest until Judah arrived) loves him, and whenever he is around everyone is trying to get a chance to hold and love on him.   It really stinks to be a little person in this family...  (that was total sarcasm for those of you who didn't recognize it).

Here are some pictures of our sweet Judah for your viewing pleasure today!

He is about an hour old in this picture - our very first picture together.

Tabitha with her baby brother - she is so proud!

Bethany thinks he is pretty great too!

Addison isn't so sure about all of this - she loves her baby brother but is also the baby who was just replaced by the new baby in the family which is a hard thing for any little one.  She seems to be adjusting well regardless...

He has a head full of hair - LOVE.IT. 

Here are his eyes - you can't help but smile, can you? 

Day four of posting this week - keeping xanga alive, and waiting for all of my F3 girls to come back and join me...

Okay - So I am not doing so great at the posting every day thing, but I still think that three times in one week is pretty good, and so I am sooooo not putting pressure on myself. 

I am off all day today and tomorrow - then again on Monday, which I will then pay for by having to work six days in a row, but I am not even thinking about that right now (other than to mention it here).  Today has been wonderful - a visit with Shelley this morning, then the rest of the day to hang with my family, reading, visiting, playing on the computer and just relaxing.  It has been wonderful.  The day will round itself out later this evening as I head back over to the Illinois side of the river to see 'The Proposal' with my two roomies.  We are all excited for the movie and the chance to spend some time together - for three women who live together we see remarkably little of one another, so this will be fun.

Tomorrow will be spent cleaning, organizing and going through all of my things for several reasons - the first being that I just have too many things, and I need to try to sort through and get rid of some of them before I move back to NWA. 

Secondly, I really, really need to get my financial aid stuff for the fall sorted out and I (REALLY embarrassed to admit this) cannot find my copies of my 2008 tax returns.  I FILED them, and I PRINTED out copies of them, and I am quite sure that I just put them in a 'safe place' - I just don't remember and cannot figure out where exactly that 'safe place' is.  Hmmmmm.  Lord help me if my memory is going the way of my mothers!    (And I mean no disrespect in that - I promise....just that she has always been a bit forgetful, and tends to be more so as she ages ever so gracefully) 

Thirdly, I need something to DO!  I have had the hardest time over the last few days/weeks just feeling like I am in this weird limbo place.  I was so glad to be done with school and have some free time, but now that free time is strangling me and I am feeling the need to get on with 'the next thing.'

The next thing of course is obtaining a job at the home office and starting grad school in the fall.  I feel like I am doing everything that I can to make that happen - I am keeping an eye on the jobs available down there, applying for the ones that I feel I am qualified for, continually tweaking my resume, getting letters of recommendation from influential people that I have worked with during my time in the stores, preparing for interviews, etc.  But even with all of that - there is SO.MUCH. free time and I am chaffing at the feeling that there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it right now. 

I keep reminding myself that I need only be faithful to do what I can do, and to rest and trust God to work out the rest - but it is getting harder and harder to do as day after day slips by.  I know that it will happen eventually....but I have never been the most patient of girls, and am having patience in this forced on me.

Deep Breath.  God is in control of this.  I need to be faithful in what he has given me to do right here and now.  For me that basically involves spending as much time with my family as possible and doing a good job at work - not getting sloppy in those things as I get less patient.  Hah.  Good thing I am a work in progress. 

At any rate.  I am rambling.  How about a couple of pictures?

Here are the flowers that I received from dear ones for graduation.  I put them on the window sill next to my bed...Pretty, yes?!?

Ummmm - lets see...what else?

How about a couple more of Ian and Hadassah?  I spent a couple of days with Hannah a couple of weeks ago because she was pretty sick and so I went over to play with/distract the little people so that she could try and get some rest.  It was a lot of fun for Aunt Havah, but by the time it was all over I was reminded of why God gives you children when you are young...because even though they are two of the best, brightest, sweetest babies in the whole wide world, I was WORN.OUT.  Seriously.  Sheesh.  I felt OLD.

Anyway - this picture has too much flash, but it was the best I could get of Ian after he had frozen berries for dessert at lunch time.  They were EVERYWHERE, but skin cleans up and so we weren't freaked out about it...and of course I had him show the camera just how messy he was...

After nap time we went outside for a bit of fun in the sun and playing around in the water - thanks to a tip from Jen I had picked up a couple of buckets and some extra funnels, small paintbrushes and measuring cups...after getting the kids in their swim suits, all we had to do was fill up the buckets with water for tons of fun - they poured and dumped and painted and had a blast.  PLUS it kept them busy for quite a while without the mess and fuss of sprinklers, baby pools, etc.  It was great.

I love this picture of Hadassah - so sweet in her pink swimsuit....

Signing off for now, but doing my part to keep Xanga alive...

So after graduation, my family had a combined graduation party/birthday party for my niece Hadassah who had just turned two.  It was so much fun, but I was pretty much wiped out from the last week of school/finals week...so I got to my sister's house for the party, and snuggled up next to my daddy on the couch.  Aren't we cute?!?

I was apparently more tired than I realized after finals week and all the stress of the previous month - because before I knew it, this happened... [aren't I glad for siblings who love to catch unsuspecting people on camera?  ]

I DID wake up not long after this - to find my sister Jannah on the other side, providing another sister picture moment...Isn't she LOVELY?  Sheesh.

It was then time for cake and the celebration of this little one whom I adore with every ounce of my being...

Isn't she yummy?  I know I am biased...but still.  Good golly.

So there you go - I have now updated two days in a row.  I am on a roll!!  C'mon F3 girls - won't you come out and play too?!?!

Hey everyone...I miss you all.  I am not alone in bemoaning the fact that so many of us have found other [possibly less time consuming] avenues of communication [say - facebook ], and honestly after months of not blogging regularly I am finding it hard to get back into it...but here is my attempt at getting back into it.  Rather than try to catch up on all of the backlog, I thought that perhaps I would start small - maybe a couple of paragraphs a day...I have a ton of pictures to share, so maybe if I just share one or two at a time, maybe I will have xanga fodder for a while, huh?  That is what I am thinking.  Anyone else want to come back and try this again?

Lets start with a couple from graduation!

Mom helping me get my cap bobby pinned on...I was struggling, and she was glad to help

Requisite shot at the gym with SIUe letters!

Haha -  not a very good shot, but I the best one I have - I believe this was at the beginning when the professors were coming in...

Hmmmm - not the best shot of me [what the heck am I even doing with my mouth?], and my brother Jesse can't seem to take a picture with a straight face, but here is the proud family - minus my grandma, Hannah and John [who left as soon as I walked across the stage because Grandma couldn't sit on the hard seats anymore ]

Wendy came for graduation.  It was pretty much the highlight of my weekend to have here there.  Man, I love my friend.

So there you go!  Let's see if I can continue the blogging trend tomorrow! 

Man.  It's been a LONG time.  Thank you all for being patient with me...are you all still out there?

What a whirlwind couple of months it has been.  The biggest news of all?

I AM OFFICIALLY A COLLEGE GRADUATE!  WOOHOO!!! 

I would have pictures, but they are all on other peoples cameras, so you are going to have to take my word for it.  I knew that I was going to finish, but I am not going to lie - those last couple of weeks were really rough.  I counted it up and over the last three weeks of school I produced/wrote more than 200 pages of original thought.  I was a writing machine, and by the time that it was all finished, I felt like my brain was swiss cheese.  But it is DONE! 

Graduation day rolled around and it was BEAUTIFUL.  It had been super rainy and grey outside all week, and I had prayed that on Saturday, the weather would be pretty - I know it may be silly, but I just wanted a day that would match the happiness on my insides.  And wouldn't you know it?  The day dawned bright and clear and was just what I had been praying for.  Isn't it just like to Lord to do that for me?  While there are those who would say that God doesn't pay attention to details like that, I am absolutely convinced that He does, and even more certain that He did that just for me on my graduation day.   (Never mind the other 600+ graduates) 

I was standing there in the gym, with all of the other graduates from the College of Arts and Sciences figuring out where we were supposed to be standing in line, the proper place to put our various cords and pins and what not (for such a big production, we all had relatively little instruction about what to do or what was going to happen - I should write a letter and make some recommendations...NONE of us really knew what we were supposed to be doing), listening every now and again when the photographer would come over the loudspeaker and give us instructions about where to look when we were receiving our diplomas, etc...mass chaos.  Anyway - I was standing there and realized that I still didn't FEEL like a graduate.  Even in that hour before the ceremony began, I still hadn't been able to wrap my brain around the fact that it was over and I was finished.

That all changed the minute I walked in line out into the gym where the ceremony was being held - hearing the cheers of the assembled family and friends - Pomp and Circumstance being played by the school orchestra...it all finally hit me, and I got super choked up.  Funny what you think at times like that - my first thought was 'I can't cry - I didn't wear water-proof mascara!'.  Haha.  Gotta have your priorities.

Anyway, I got to my seat and starting scanning the stands for my family - my dad and mom, Hannah and John, my five siblings still living at home (Abe, Sam, Jannah, Jordan and Jesse) and my grandma - when I found them I started to cry AGAIN - so I quit looking at them.  Then I looked up and there was Wendy - right in my line of vision.  And I cried again.  All happy tears mind you - tears of relief and joy and happiness and overwhelmed and thankfulness.

The ceremony itself was boring and uninspired - I guess I expected more from it, but whatever - I stayed entertained envisioning all of the professors in their academic regalia flying around on magic brooms and playing quidditch (for those of you who have read Harry Potter, you will totally get this reference) and getting the giggles on the inside because it made me laugh to think such irreverent thoughts.  Seriously though - with their poofy hats, and multi-colored hoods and drapery and such, they looked like they were straight out of the books!   On the inside I thought I was very clever and wished that I had Wendy or Flo sitting next to me to giggle with about it...

Before I knew it, I was walking across the stage - SUPER proud of the fact that I was one of 30 or so students out of over 600 that were 'summa cum laude', or had a graduating GPA of over 3.9.  My goal was to graduate with a perfect 4.0, and I totally did it.  It won't mean anything to anyone years down the road, but it meant a lot to me for several reasons - first of all because it was like a proving ground for me (to myself, not to anyone else) and also because this is really the first time I have attempted something this big and actually finished it.  For those of you who know me well, you know that I tend to be very enthusiastic about new things, but then the excitement dies and I end up quitting before it is done.  Not something that I have ever been proud of, but nothing that I ever changed either.  This graduation for me marks the beginning of something new...a lifetime of starting new endeavors and actually finishing them.  It is a very good thing.

Anyway - I could go on and on about the day, but suffice it to say, it was wonderful.  To have my family and Wendy there for the celebration, the party that my family threw afterwards, being surrounded by the people who love me and take as much pride and delight in my successes as I do was amazing.

I am blessed.

I was going to do a tribute post for the many people who have helped me to get to this point, but it is late and this is already very much longer than I anticipated.  More later friends - Havah is back! 

When I was growing up I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up.

The older I get the more who and what I want to be is solidified.

I want to be like my mom.

 

My mom has the tenderest heart of anyone I know.  You know how some people just seem to have a knack for finding animals that have been hurt, wounded and abused?  My mom has that effect on people.  Whether it was watching children for a single mom or providing food for someone who didn't have any - loaning out our laundry room for people who didn't have the means to do their laundry....  She fielded  multiple phone calls from a neighbor who was schitzophrenic, reassuring her and making sure she stayed safe, and took care of her kids when she wasn't okay.  Besides her own passel of kids, our house was the place where all the neighbor kids came to hang out...infinitely patient, she loved on them too.

My mom loves God.  She knows Him.  Hears Him.  Knows His heart.  Trusts Him.

Being the mom of 10 children is not without its constant sacrifices.  My whole life I have watched her selflessly pour her time, energy and love into us.  And it shows.

 

It has been fun watching my mom be a grandma.  She isn't the grandma that I anticipated her to be - different, but so good.  So much wisdom and love to share with her beloved grandbabies.

My mom is an artist.  She sings, plays the guitar and paints the most amazing murals.  It is crazy to me that she found the time in the busyness of raising us to grow those skills.  She never had a formal lesson - just a passion for the things that she loves.

My mom and dad have been married for 35 years.   My mom loves like I do - fiercely.  And my dad?  Yeah - he would be lost without my mom.  It works and is a beautiful thing.  There is safety and security in watching my parents love each other.

 

My mom has faith and trust like I have never seen before.  It has not come easily or without cost, but it never ceases to amaze me.

My mom had 8 of her 10 children at home...she now is a doula and helps other women with natural childbirth...she is the woman that people come to asking questions about home and natural childbirth, breastfeeding and all manner of other pregnancy/baby questions.

One of the things that I love the most about my mom is her willingness to change herr thoughts or ideas about something if God speaks to her about it.  While she passionately believes in things and stands firm, she is NOT closeminded or un-loving.  She is capable of listening and adjusting - something that I am finding is rare the older I get.

I have never doubted for a moment that my mom loves me and delights in me even when I don't do things the way that she would...

I love you mom.  Happy 55th Birthday.

Despite the fact that Spring break has now begun and I have ten blissful days without classes, I realized (how in the world did I miscount?!?) that rather than the nine weeks that I was telling myself I had to finish the semester, I really only have SIX.  OMG.  Every time I think about it my teeth start to sweat.  It's that bad.  I added it up in my head (big mistake) and realized I have between 100-150 pages worth of papers and assignments to write in the next 6 weeks.  Oh my. Oh my.  Oh my.

Needless to say, spring break will be no break for me as I try and get as much writing done as possible. 

However, that was not the reason for me sitting down to write this.  In fact, I am writing this to not only distract myself and to avoid the pile of work I have, but also to remind myself of my commitment to begin delighting in things again (see several posts back about the topic). 

There are lots of things around me to delight in these days, but more often than not, most of those moments have centered around time spent with my sweet sister and brother in love and their precious babies that I love...

They came over to see me at my parents house this past week and we had a blast - I have had some people mention that they haven't seen baby girl lately (Hadassah) in photos, so here they are....

Her new favorite thing when she is on my lap is to pull my rings off of my fingers (I have three silver rings that I wear on specific fingers that all have a lot of sentimental value attached and I wear them pretty much nonstop), stick them on her little fingers, then remove them and put them back on my fingers.  We then go through the whole process again.  And again.  And again.  And again.  She never gets tired of it, and to be quite honest, she delights in it so much, that I don't mind at all either.

Jannah grabbed the camera when we were playing this game and got some great shots of our hands.  I love them - her hands are so tiny next to mine!  I LOVE her chubby sweet baby hands and the dimples in  her knuckles...

I love this shot especially because you can see her double chin in it

I also discovered that we also share a common love of coffee...she sees me with a mug and comes running!  (Yes, I cleared it with her momma first - this might be a good time to mention how much I love that my sister is such a laid back momma...so good for her babies!)

Ahhhhhhhhh......

After playing games with the rings and sharing some coffee, we decided to make some chocolate chip cookies - this was Hadassah's first time to 'help' us with any sort of baking and she LOVED it.

Two of my favorite people in the whole wide world...

Trying out some of the freshly baked cookies...(how much do I love her crossed ankles!)

Pardon my ghetto fabulous outfit.  What can I say?  It was comfy.

We finished the evening off playing on the Wii fit board.  We love it so much.  I know I have said it before, but it bears repeating.  Anyway - this particular night Ian really wanted to play, but he would completely monopolize the Wii if we let him, so we have tricked him into thinking that he can hold a controller and be playing the game without standing on the board, and then we can actually play the games in relative peace.  I know it sounds deceitful (okay - I guess it actually is), but he is happy, and we are happy, and he is going to be old enough to figure it out soon anyway...

I digress.  The whole reason for bringing up the Wii again are these great shots that I got of he and Hannah doing Yoga.  How cute is he!?!  (And how cute is Hadassah in the background with her book?  She LOVES books)

Here is a closer shot - not bad for a three year old!

Okay - I suppose I had better get back to work on some of this reading.  Or maybe play on the Wii.....

I keep telling myself that I need to be more consistent with the blogging - that I will appreciate it someday in the near future when my memory starts to wane, but for the life of me I can't seem to A) find the time, or B) come up with interesting things to say or report most of the time! 

Life has settled into a routine for the semester.  A very busy routine, but one that I can handle...Class four days a week, work five - cram in as much study time and sleep as possible, and try to visit my family on the other side of the river at least one time a week.  Hah - I almost put myself to sleep with that paragraph.  I am that boring these days. 

Do you know what I love about being a college student?  Today I literally rolled out of bed, threw on yoga pants, a tshirt and sweatshirt - brushed my teeth and went to school.  My hair in a ponytail, wiping the mascara smears out from underneath my eyes on the drive to campus, completely without undergarments of any kind , and comfortable as can be.  And you know what?  Nobody even bothered to look twice, cause I blended right in!  teehee.  I am not the only late riser in my 8am class. [and yes - just to ease your mind, I DID shower and get cleaned up when I got to my parents house after class]  It is going to be quite an adjustment to get back out in the 'real world' where I actually have to dress like a grown up everyday for work and what not...

Can you believe I only have 12 more weeks until my undergrad degree is finished?  Surreal.

Totally off the subject - has anyone else noticed an inordinate amount of dead skunks lying about on and beside the roads lately?  I have counted no less than 10 in the last WEEK, and while I admit I do like the occasional whiff of skunk smell [don't ask - it is weird - I know...and I wouldn't want to smell it ALL the time or for an extended period of time at all] 10 seems a bit extreme to me. 

I don't know if I told you all that my parents had gotten the family a Wii for Christmas...so when I saw a Wii Fit at work last week I snapped it right up [they are incredibly hard to find these days - one of the benefits of working in a retail establishment I suppose] and we have been having SO.MUCH.FUN. playing with it...I rock it on the yoga and balance games.  

At first it was a little difficult to get over them putting me in the 'overweight' category when the game registered me and measured my BMI, but I have to admit it made me laugh a bit when they pudged out my Mii character to match my BMI.  Adding insult to injury, occasionally when you go to start a game and step on the Wii fit board, it makes this little 'ooohhhh' sound in a high-pitched voice.  Like what it really wants to say is 'Ooofff - get OFF of me'!!  Haha. 

Hmmmmm - what else?  Remember that huge post of pictures from my brother Joe's wedding in November?  We just got news last week that he and his new wife are expecting their first baby.  This will make niece or nephew number 10 for me....we are all super excited - I don't know if I mentioned that we love babies/children around here!  

I need to get off here - I am going to challenge mom to a round of Dr. Mario before she goes to bed...

Today I was off work after five LONG days of work and school...it was LOVELY here - the sun peeping through at intervals, and temperatures in the balmy 50's.  I allowed myself to sleep in with absolutely no guilt over doing so, and after continuing to lounge around my room and puttering doing nothing, I got ready for my day [even though it was afternoon by this point], packed a bag and my backpack for school tomorrow and headed out to see my family.

On the way over to my parents house I stopped by my sister Hannah's to see if she and the kids would want to come over to grandma and grandpa's for a visit as well.  As I pulled up I discovered that my sister and I are apparently on the exact timeline as well as brain wave, because she had both of the kids in the driveway, ready to be loaded into their car seats.

I kept my car running and hopped out to hug them all [couldn't wait the extra 15 minutes to get to my parents house really ].  In the process, Ian asked if he could ride with me to grandma and grandpa's house, and since he is now in an easily moved booster, I promptly scooped up his seat and buckled him into my car.

He is such a fun [and crazy smart] boy.  He chattered to me the ENTIRE ride, nearly without stopping - and it was SO much fun to listen to his perspective.  He truly is a delight.  Several minutes into the car ride he stops and says 'Aunt Havah, you're the best!' with all of the enthusiasm he could put into that one sentence.  I asked him 'Ian, why am I the best?' [because I am all about encouraging others to be specific in their praise of others - I personally feel that the more specific you can be in your thanks and praise of others, the better - I really wasn't looking for an extra pat on the back!  ].

In his infinite three year old wisdom he replied that 'You are the best because I love you...' [Awww - just about the sweetest thing to a sappy auntie's ears]  He continued though to tell me that 'Jesus thinks you are the best too - He loves you the best!'

Just the reminder that I needed to hear today.  Jesus thinks I am the best.  Thanks Ian...

And to acccompany this sweet story of an even sweeter boy, here are some of my favorite pictures of him from the last three years of his precious life...