August 2, 2008

  • I said goodbye to the Wendy-lady today.  Wow.  That was hard.  I am sitting here trying to figure out a way to explain the magnitude of it, and keep erasing what I write.  Instead I am just going to write and just not think about it...

    I am really going to miss the late night chats winding down together while checking e-mail, puttering around on the computer, or catching up with our shows on Tivo.  I already miss having daily contact with my dear friend, tutor, counselor, personal trainer, life-coach, reality check, and cheering squad.  Not being able to stop by her office in between classes just to say hi, grab coffee and a quick hug before going back to class will be odd.  The everyday-ness of having one of your dearest friends as a housemate and close enough to grab lunch with, or coffee, or just to hang out is not something to be taken for granted.

    This is a weird mixture of emotions - I cannot say enough how grateful I am to love someone this much [and to be loved in return] that it hurts this badly to say goodbye.  At the same time, there is huge sadness.  I am optimistic about this next year - looking forward to all of the good in store...scared of it at the same time [because I am now doing it without my Wendy].  I am excited to see what is to come - in my life, in Wendy's life, with their family and the kids.  Hopeful.  But tonight, for just a while - I am letting myself cry and miss my friend.

    My life is dramatically different than it was two and a half years ago before meeting Wen...It makes me smile to think about really.  Two years ago I was stuck.  Stuck in a job that paid me well, but that I was miserable doing.  Stuck emotionally and physically.  Pretty much lonely and miserable and at a place where I *felt* powerless and unable to change things.  Without a lot of hope.

    Not to set Wendy up on a pedestal, or to not give credit where it is due [yes - saying all of this well aware of the fact that God is the one who put her in my life in the first place, and the beginning/source of the positive changes effected in my life], but meeting Wendy changed a lot of things.

    I was telling someone today [and laughing a bit] about how fast things started happening after I met Wendy.  Within three months of knowing her, I had decided to step down from my position at work and go back to school.  To move in with the Mucci clan and become 'the basement dweller'.  Within six months I had run my first 5k.  Wendy has continually pushed me out of my comfort zone, seeming to know just how hard to push me without sending me over the edge...   That is a RARE combination in a friend. 

    In all of the transition, trauma, change, loss and growth of the last year, Wendy has been a steadfast constant.

    I love her.  And will miss her.  Do any of you ever have those moments where you are super sad about something, and then your own moroseness makes you eyeroll at yourself?  Yeah - that is where I am. 

    I just had a really funny thought...I am sure it will not translate well here, but as cheesy as it is, that line from the 1980's classic by Michael W Smith '..friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them...and a lifetime's not too long...to live as friends...'  bahahahaha - cheesy and sentimental and true.  [totally a rabbit trail here, but incidentally - that whole album by MWS is an all-time favorite of mine even now] Moving isn't the end - just a little further to travel to get together...

    I guess I have exercised my train of free thinking here long enough - sometimes blogging is just good for my head and heart...thanks for reading.  If you think about it - please pray for my heart and my sweet friend as she and her family transition and unpack...

    I love you friend!


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